Meet Nana Yao, a 31-year-old from Ho, he is engaged to be married in September. I posed a question to him: would he wash his girlfriend’s undies? After a brief hesitation, he opened up and shared his response.
“To be honest, I’ve done it before. The first was in Level 300 at Tech, and later in my more serious relationships. I used to wash my mom’s bra while growing up, and I think she was preparing me for moments like this,” he said. “ My woman now, I see her stuff [pants] in my laundry and wash it sometimes. Sometimes I feel it’s becoming too habitual, I just wash my clothes. Sometimes I think it can affect me, like a bad omen. I feel it most when we break up. We are Anlos and our culture can be complicated”.
Kwesi, Ashaiman, appears unconcerned about it, stating that he doesn’t mind at all. Although he’s not married.,
“For better or for worse’ encompasses such actions, but I won’t do it outside of marriage,” he says.
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In some Ghanaian cultures, washing a woman’s underwear is regarded as taboo due to associations with menstruation and bodily secretions, which are also seen as impure. Although gender roles at home are evolving, washing a woman’s underwear remains a delicate matter that many educated men and women alike tend to shy away from. Some educated women even draw cultural or spiritual boundaries, preferring not to have men handle their intimate apparel.
Veteran actress Maame Dokono in an interview in 2021 hinted the act reduced a man’s respect if he washes his wife/girlfriend’s pants unless she was sick.
Yaa Owusua, 30, in Kumasi, agrees with the actress but doesn’t believe it affects the man in any way. It’s simply a matter of what she’s been exposed to. She said
“Nope, nope, unless I’m very sick that I can’t move. It just doesn’t sit right with me. I haven’t seen some before, especially where I come from. But if he insists I’ll let him try but it won’t be an everyday thing,” she said.
“Also washing even my mum’s or my little sibling’s panties gives me some kind of weird vibe so I feel he will have this same weird feeling washing mine,” she added.
Bernice, 37, at Adentan, says it’s a beautiful romantic gesture.
“The last guy I dated did that. Sometimes when I get home, he takes them off to sniff before adding them to the laundry basket. When he goes to see my panties in the bathroom he will wash them. I think it’s sexy, unlike some people who will see it as gyimi gyimi,” she said.
Johannes, 25, a German newlywed to a Ghanaian, is unconcerned about washing her underwear, thanks to his upbringing and access to a washing machine. He’s even willing to do it by hand if necessary.
Although religions like Christianity and Islam may have inadvertently perpetuated the belief against washing a wife’s pants, some adherents argue that doing so within the context of marriage is a sign of respect and care. While not explicitly stated, the Bible’s teaching in Ephesians 5:25-33 encourages husbands to love and care for their wives, which includes helping with household chores like laundry, especially when they are unwell or in need. Likewise, Islamic teachings emphasize the value of mutual care and support in marriage, suggesting that washing a wife’s pants can be a thoughtful and considerate act.
It should be an act of love, not a mandate or habit. When you love someone, you want to do things for them that make them happy, according to Evangelist Appiah-Kubi in Ashaley Botwe.
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Gender roles are not innate, but rather a product of cultural conditioning. The only inherent difference between men and women is biological, and even that can be altered through science these days. All behaviors, including domestic chores, are learned through socialization. Boys wash cars and clean shoes. They are allowed to wash everything but pants in some homes. Girls are expected to sweep the compound, and girls are expected to wash everything for everyone, cook and fetch water as they are trained to. Boys who grow up in households where gender roles are flexible are more likely to be comfortable with tasks like washing their partners’ clothes, while those from traditional households may adopt more rigid gender roles. Ultimately, gender socialization is shaped by one’s family and upbringing.
Sociologist Albert Kpoor suggests that men often assume domestic responsibilities, including sensitive ones, when their wives are pregnant and continue to do so until they recover. The transition from extended family systems to nuclear families also plays a role in men’s willingness to take on traditionally feminine tasks. In rural or compound households where extended family members reside, men may feel less inclined to perform certain roles due to societal expectations. However, couples can ultimately come to a mutual understanding and divide responsibilities in a way that works for them.
Lanre is married and fits the profile of the ‘new man’ described by Dr. Kpoor. He doesn’t mind doing sensitive domestic roles because he doesn’t live with or off the extended family. He has technology.
“To be honest, I don’t think any of our cultures specifically classifies that as a taboo. But most of our cultures are patriarchal, so men would generally not do that. There are men who would do it but most men in my tribe (Yoruba) and many others in Nigeria would say they can’t. I can do that and I have a washing machine,” he admits.
Can you remember how you felt the first time? I probed further.
“Cringy maybe. But I have benefitted from her helping me many times so it felt like the least I could do,” he replied.
The same situation goes for Kwabena; he’s been married for about five years and has been doing the laundry from day one of his marriage. He uses a washing machine but doesn’t strike as the guy who will think twice about getting his hands “dirty”.
“I have been doing laundry since and panties are like a blouse or any other piece of clothing, this is no problem,” he said.
It can be observed it’s not necessarily the household chores themselves that concern men, but rather the specific tasks involved. Even the most liberal African men may hesitate when it comes to handling pants with bloodstains due to the complex cultural associations with blood in African traditions. Blood is viewed as a symbol of life, power, and royalty, as well as being linked to negative elements like witchcraft, death [in the case of oozing blood], impurity, and disorder. This uncertainty towards blood can lead to anxiety, particularly when [men are] confronted with uncontrolled bleeding or bloodstains, which can be perceived as a disruption to social order and hygiene norms. Maybe it is a matter of general social order, not superstitions.
Technology has helped make sensitive tasks, like handling bloody underwear, less awkward for men. With the help of washing machines and laundry detergent, there’s now a comfortable distance between the task and their hands, making it feel less weird or “cringy” and more manageable.
Having lost her mother at age eight and been raised by her father, Nana Akua, a lecturer in African religion, views the issue as one of functional capability in the home, rather than gender
“I lost my mother at the age of eight, I was raised by my father. Though he was a Civil Engineer, he was also (a hard-core traditionalist or spiritualist or herbalist from the royal family of Sefwi Wiawso) He taught me everything I know about puberty womanhood”.
“He taught me how to fix a bulb, weed with a cutlass, use a gun, service a car every morning from washing it to checking the oil, filling the water etc,” she said.
Watching her successful royal and herbalist father take on all domestic responsibilities, including those traditionally assigned to women, and teaching her brothers to do the same, cleared up any confusion Nana Akua ( and her brothers ) had about gender roles in the home and possibly even influenced her [in particular] approach to understanding and teaching different cultures without prejudice.
Nana Akua links her brother’s economic success to the flexible gender roles they learned while growing up. She’s determined to empower her sons and students to adopt a similar approach, focusing on functionality over rigid gender roles.
So, bro, will you do it?