Happy New Year, lovely readers. I have had excellent feedback from my first piece. I am glad you enjoyed. Thank you.
Earlier, when I put up my piece on my self-development journey, I decided to go through my old journals from a while back. I am talking Senior High. As I looked through, I saw accounts of events, funny and sad moments, and goals I set for myself. Oh, so if you ever did me dirty, be rest assured that I wrote it: date and all. Oh boy, I have stories. One particular account got me laughing and I appreciated how far I have come. It’s my unrequited love story. I’ll recount without the dates so the person doesn’t feel bad. Some of you might try to guess, but no, don’t stress. You’re wrong! In his defense, the last time we talked about this, he is a changed person.
One afternoon, I got a call from him. He wanted to be my friend. He took my number from his friend’s phone. He had seen my picture. Eventually, we became friends. Unlike my peers, my parents did not allow me go out at all. So we talked on the phone a lot. Once in a while, he would come around, and we would hang out. Then I started liking him a bit too much. After a while, it became obvious. After he noticed, he started giving attitude. I thought if I pressed on, he would give in.
But the attitude intensified.
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Then I mustered the courage to ask him why he had not asked me to be his girlfriend yet. This is when I was told I was not his type. Eii. What kind of English is this? I asked more questions. Was I not calling or texting enough? Instead of walking away, I was still there oo, trying hard. I was told I was ordinary and he wanted someone who was ‘full’, someone who had “body”. Ei Ei!!! Anyone who knows me knows I was lanky back then. Where was I going to get this body from? It also bothered me because other people also commented on how slim I was back then. I wanted to gain weight. He posted his girlfriend on Facebook which was the “ish” at the time. Then I got into action. At any point in my life, if you saw me drinking five cans of malt a day, with bread, and ice cream. Shhhhhh. This guy told a few people including his brother I was chasing him. Long story short, I gave up later.
While you are here:
I could sense the pain in my writing from my diary. Few years later, he sees me and remarks “you have gained weight papa”. Mr Man, if I slap you…
Here I am today. I noticed, however, that not eating, stress, inactivity and hormonal imbalance cause my weight to fluctuate. One season I am full, the next, I am losing it. In all of this, people ‘fat shame’ me, and I am a size 12/14. Can you imagine?
As if that one unrequited love was not enough, it’s still happening till date. Maybe I always end up liking people who don’t like me back. I never learn, probably. And it always hurts. I kept asking if I was not enough. Please do not judge me. I was young! I was foolish! Please tell me I am not the only person this has happened to. This is funny.
A while back, I gathered courage to ask a few people that I thought liked me if they would date me if possible. Guess what? It was either I was too fat or pretty enough. Oh God, not this weight thing again! Who at all did I offend?
There and then I decided to live my life. Because I realized whatever I did, I will not always be enough for someone.
On the other hand I have rejected three people. No, I am not counting. But we were not on the same page about certain important things that should be discussed (I will throw more light on this in my next post). I feel one should find someone who shares the same values as them to avoid chaos.
I am still single. Las las, somebody’s son will find me one day! Please, do not wait too long.
Until next time…