Dearest gentle readers, it has come to my notice that I have been a bad host. I sincerely apologize for the long break. I can explain. Or attempt to. What started as little drops of procrastination turned into writer’s block, and then life happened. Just like that, time went by so quickly, and before I knew it, boom, December!
I sincerely apologize to everyone who has been waiting. Please forgive a girl. Well, well, it’s that time of the year again. I am talking about matching PJs, Christmas photoshoots for greeting cards, and romantic Christmas movies: the ones that have the same storyline. Weddings! So many of them. I thought we were all single. Or?
The year 2023 has been a mixture of a lot of things. The good and the bad. But in all I’m
grateful. I mean it could have been worse. So I said life happened. Life dealt me some serious cards this year. From my experience, I tried to concentrate more on the lessons that came with it.
This year was more about self-development for me. I decided to put more energy into myself. I invested time and energy into people and other unnecessary things rather than myself in the past. You know how you meet someone and slowly get to know the person? Yes, I met ‘me’. I’m still on the journey and I am enjoying it. One day, I’ll share what my journey has been like. So yes, back to life in 2023. I’ll share one or two. The lessons I have learned are not new, more like ‘know this and know peace’ moments
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This year tested my faith in God, my patience, my resilience, my loyalty, and my limits and I was determined to make myself a better person. I’m ending the year knowing that I am stronger than I actually thought I was and I’m not giving up on myself no matter what! A few things have changed for the better but I think the only things that have managed to remain constant is the fact that I am still single and my facial expressions are still iconic (I have no control over this). I can keep quiet, but you can still read the subtitles
on my face (it’s not that deep).
I started this year on a positive note, I decided to be kinder to myself, stop self-sabotaging, be more positive and was determined to be at peace, especially with myself. I started doing some introspection and retrospection in every part of my life( physically, spiritually, mentally, financially, etc) every now and then. These moments allow me to be brutally honest with myself. I call myself out on wrongdoings and give myself treats for good behavior. I check the areas that need improvement and work on them. It’s really helpful. It’s just between you and God, so no judgment there.
I have come to terms with the fact that there is no rulebook for existing. No timelines for living life. So However you want to live your life, by all means do. However, while we have a choice, we are not free from the consequences of these choices. Of course, God is supreme and has a plan for our lives. He knows us better than we know ourselves. But, we get to make our choices because he has given us free will.
Timing is everything. There is a video I chanced on on Instagram. The person was explaining how we might be honest at all times, but the timing of this truth that matters. Some people do not agree. A friend and I had a back-and-forth about the issue of timing sometime back. My point was and still is, the point where you tell someone something matters. Imagine you trying to tell someone something while that person is angry. At that point, nothing sinks in. He or she might never remember what you said Vs waiting till the person is calm. That’s just one point of view. In the grand scheme of things, Timing is everything. When and how you decide to do something is very important.
Certain things have happened this year and in hindsight, I really believe nothing is a
coincidence. Everything happens at the time it happens for a reason. Thinking about it, I
wonder why I was ever worried about certain things. This year taught me that a lot of things are better left unsaid but at the same time, it taught me that silence MAY be misconstrued as an offense I still do not understand it but I guess human nature plays a part. There have been situations where I just decided to let some things slide (which is unusual for me), and the people involved felt I was offended. It’s just less stressful and peaceful when you decide to let things go and continue with your life.
For the longest time, my biggest struggle has been people’s opinions about me. I used to want to address every issue, especially people’s opinions of me. I would try to let the
other person see from my point of view, try to get them to see how I think and all that. I have slowly realized that all that is not needed. Now, no matter how hard it is, I don’t pay attention to comments people make. If it bothers me that much, I write it down or rant to one or two people, get feedback and let it go. My turning point was when someone passed a comment about me being defensive. Instantly, I stopped talking. I was not angry, but at that point, I realized there’s nothing you’ll say in this world that will change someone’s opinion about you. My mum said something to me a while back; that being defensive all the time might be interpreted as insolence by some people. I found it strange as to why would you think I am being disrespectful because I am trying to defend myself, seeing that you are trying to impose your preconceived notions about me on me or trying to blame me for something I didn’t do. I get it now!
Don’t get me wrong. In moments where I’m being called out on my wrong behavior, I may not be happy and will try to explain. Or get offended. I am human. Truth hurts. Not when you have some preconceived notions about me and You’re using that to judge me in everything I do or am about to do! I have accepted that ‘OK’ is a good word. It is a full sentence and solves a lot of problems even before it begins.
In as much as I think you don’t have to have an opinion about everything, really everyone is entitled to his or her opinion. I am ending the year single, again! This year, I tried my best to put myself out there. I met a few amazing people Unfortunately for me, either they were emotionally unavailable or simply not ready to make any commitments. I made a few friends. Positive people. Those that are good for the soul. People you can keep forever.
For some who used to be friends, we grew apart and I don’t think it’s a bad thing.
Many things have happened this year but in all,
Now I pay less attention to situations that won’t lead me anywhere, waste my time and leave me looking like YZMA(please Google for reference 🤭), unhealthy and one-sided relationships (could be acquaintances, work colleagues, etc). I now concentrate on the important things, I worked on or tried, the ones I couldn’t, I let go and let God handle it. I trust his timing. It is well.
Early this week, my mum sent me an extract of Chapter 3 of Things Fall Apart by Chinua Achebe for motivation and like Okonkwo, if I have survived this year and the years before it, I shall survive everything. I’ll do what I can and leave the rest because sometimes, life just does its thing!
Until we meet again in the New Year…
